In Knowing Why

“[T]he heart has reasons of its own which reason does not know…” - Chua-Qua vs. Clave

“Okay Martsu,” she said. “Anong gusto mo paglaki mo?”

I was standing in front of the other children of my age inside our kalakat classroom of the small daycare center I was enrolled in. I could still remember the modulation of Teacher Neneng’s voice – beating rhythmically like a child's play. I was eager to recite.

“Ang gusto ko paglaki ko,” I said in a loud and high-pitched tone, “ay maging isang abogado para matulungan ko ang mga mahihirap.”

My head was slightly looking upward (perhaps to give way to the loudness of my throat) and after saying my piece, my classmates clapped. I sat down, and when I stood again, I was in a different room, with a different set of classmates and teacher. But the thought of the question remained the same.

“Tell us your name and your greatest dream in life.” Teacher Sharon, My English teacher in 5th Grade instructed during our first day.

This time, I said, “I am Martsu Ressan Manibog Ladia, and my greatest dream in life is to be a lawyer because I want to stop all the injustices in the world.”

Not only was I loud and high-pitched at that time, I was also gesturing my hand while reciting. Then I realized: my answer, although at a different level of reasoning, remained the same as well.

In college, when I was asked why I took up Political Science, I said, “Kasi naniniwala ako that taking up Political Science can give me an ace in the College of Law.”

And it did. Political Science trained me well to practice a reading habit and, just like in law school, to recite all the time. Though in the middle of my venture in college I’ve learned to love the discipline, it dawned on me that such discipline was different from what is required in a college of law. What’s funny is that the love I have for my degree once became a reason behind wanting to be a lawyer.

When in the College of Law, I was asked: "Why law school?'' I replied, “Because I dreamed of being a politician, I want to be part of the Philippine legislature, and studying law and becoming a lawyer would mean doing my job better.”

But something tells me that it’s still not it. I want to be a lawyer more than I want to be a politician. And like world peace, stopping all the injustices in the world is an impossibility. Nonetheless, regardless of its impossibility, I still want to be a lawyer. Even if I can help the poor and the underprivileged differently aside from that of being a lawyer, I don’t want the other way. I want to be a lawyer and I really don’t know why. I want it so badly that I even couldn’t begin to determine the real reason behind my desire of wanting it so much.

It feels like the love I have for lawyering outgrew all the reasons there is for me to have. It’s like what Justice Regalado said when the Supreme Court spoke through him in the case of Chua-Qua vs. Clave, “the heart has reasons of its own which reason does not know…” Because love is satisfying enough to decide to continue loving even though being in love with the legal profession is not that easy.

Being in love with the legal profession means to endure the pins and needles of hardships and struggles along the way for a greater cause. Being in love with the legal profession means to survive the sleepless nights and to overcome the tearful semesters knowing that anything could happen when your class card will be picked for the night. Being in love with the legal profession means to stay and fight for your love, even though you feel like your love is unrequited, or you feel like the legal profession hates you. No doubt, loving the legal profession requires extraordinary courage, and maintaining to be in love with the legal profession requires more than that.

Yet, I soldier on. Even when the days when my tears fogged my way through, I continued walking, because my dreams are not placed before my eyes; they will not be washed away by my tears as I cry. And my dream of becoming a lawyer is in my heart circulating all throughout my body as it travels with my blood. It is what keeps me alive, like what Judge Alzate said.

In 2017, I had a professor who told us that, “you want to be a lawyer because you want to be a lawyer. That’s it. No other reason than that.” I believed him, though it took me some time before understanding what he truly meant by what he said. And for my parting words, I’d like to make some modifications with my professor’s words.

I want to be a lawyer because I love to be. And hopefully, in Allah’s will, I shall become.