Walking Inattentively in the Halls of Justice

"Ms. Galaroza, do you agree?"

I snapped back into reality. It’s 6pm. It has been 5 hours since we started this class. I was lucky on my first recitation; but this time, what was I about to agree to?

Going back to before that question was posed to me, I’ve been thinking about why concentrating in my classes these days seems more daunting than usual. My mind has its own agenda, and I have always heard my voice inside my head since time immemorial. But today, my voice was louder and more independent. Trying to concentrate with my class, I unconsciously started to bounce my right knee and bite my nails.

"What should I eat?" "I can’t eat what's in the fridge. I don’t like eating eggs today." "Oh, Ate Karen looks good with her hair down; maybe I should try that too." I can hear the pitter-patter of the water faucet. I can uncomfortably feel the coldness of the floor.

Imagine an internet browser with multiple tabs, and each tab plays a different song. That’s what's running through my head. Everything, but the class.

"Judge, can you repeat the question? My internet is kind of slow today."

I blamed the slow internet when it was my brain that is slow to react. I can see the "what did you just ask me?" face of my professor. She began calling another student, and my recitation was flushed down the drain.

I have always thought I was different, but not in a good way. I cannot follow through with my studies; I procrastinate a lot, despise formal wear because I can’t stand the fabric, and get easily distracted or overwhelmed. When I was in my third year of law school, I was diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD.

Law school, the gateway to a rewarding legal career, is known for its rigorous demands and intellectual challenges. For neurodivergent students, who possess unique neurological characteristics such as autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, and other learning disabilities, navigating and surviving this academic journey can be even more daunting.

According to the Times Higher Education, ADHD poses many challenges in higher education. ADHD adults are less likely to reach post-secondary education, while those who do have been shown, in a number of studies, to achieve lower summative grades across all years. ADHD adults also have a lower capacity for many elements of executive function that are important for success in our neurotypical higher education culture. Examples include planning, long-term goal setting, and time awareness.

Although I am open about my diagnosis, I still get this gnawing feeling that everyone around me thinks that this is just an excuse. With the mediocre performance and planning, I tucked myself safely behind self-deprecating jokes and humor to shy myself away from the frustration and disappointment. However, through professional intervention, research, and trial and error, I was able to learn some ways to survive law school:

1. Discover your own studying style. Neurotypical or not, we have our own ways of studying. However, for neurodivergents, ours is quite different. We have a disability that makes it harder for us to adapt to the usual study habits. For me, listening to lectures makes me bored, and I deem them ineffective since I get easily distracted from external stimuli. So, I started writing my notes on repeat and using pens in different colors. Most of the time I cannot finish rewriting my lessons, but when I do, it definitely sticks, and I can remember it during class (which doesn’t mean I can answer the recits).
2. Study at short intervals. The ADHD brain has a short attention span, and when it reaches its limit, it starts to reject information, and you will start to lose focus. Although I do not follow it religiously since I still tend to procrastinate and cram, a 30-minute study session over several days instead of a three-hour crash course is more effective in the long run. Imagine an excessively packed suitcase- items are certain to spill out as soon as it's moved.
3. Plan your study. Due to working and ADHD paralysis, I know I don’t have the luxury of time. Thus, it is important to carefully plan and determine your priorities. I don’t mean that you have to buy study planners (I know you have a lot of those but can’t seem to use them), it is enough that you are reminded of what to study. Since we are not good at planning, start with one or two subjects a day, and when you are done, you deserve that 5-hour Netflix.
4. Seek professional help. It is unfortunate that we live in a society that enforces stigma around mental health. But I can assure you that professional intervention makes a difference. I was able to consult with mental health professionals, and they were able to help me with my condition. When it finally makes sense why you are experiencing these things, you become kinder to yourself, and you’ll be able to adjust.

You may not be able to juggle all your priorities and may contemplate stopping because everything becomes overwhelming, I don’t blame you. Nobody says law school is easy. Strive for your dream of becoming a bearer of justice and an expert of the law. We all have our own different battles when entering law school. For others, it is manageable while for others, it is a whole new experience of hell.

This is not a success story and I am still struggling today with my studies. I just want everyone who mentally and intellectually struggles more than everyone else in law school to know that they are not alone. It becomes frustrating because it is beyond your control. It's you. It is not a sickness and definitely not an excuse. It is just that you are built differently.

Want to know more about Inattentive ADHD? https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/symptoms-of-inattentive-adhd/